i guess im more on tumblr. But we'll keep this space and see how it goes.

In other news, You can now see whatever crap i write on this space, so you guys can join in the fun.

Enjoy.

=B3at=

Paradise Lost.

well hello. welcome back to this space.

Its been a while, i havent been out enough to actually think of time to start writing whatever i want to write in my blog. Not withstanding the entire microblogging thing going on. Slightly impersonal in some sense i feel. maybe it lacks a certain wordiness to it, that its linked to the entire system of tumbling posts just waiting to be picked out.

or maybe i have too high hopes on my posts.

----------------------------------

no. the times will not come, and the tides will not leave,
but we still have to learn why the neap and the spring happen as so.

Every organ and blood type, i will have to make sense of it, even if everything is of non-terrestial origin, and pardon my french, but all fxked up.

At this point of time everything is flying out the window and we cant wait to leave this place. The tiredness that comes with the sight of the same things for the 108th time, and youre wondering why didnt you leave when there was a chance. The question being, what next, and will they turn out horrible like that? Wheres my music?

All these things i have no power on, or for, and every passing minute not doing something proper is lost to another world of useless junk and selfish souls.

No. i would wonder why anything like that should be happening, but it already has.
Also, there wouldnt be a need to think of possible outcomes for a situation that doesnt exist, for a notion that has to grounding, just to float away in its own non-existence.
However, there still has to be try.

But do or do not, there IS no try.

thus we will have to figure it out.

Hours slip by me, but never fast enough when i need them, only fast enough when i dont. Click-click-bangbangbang. There aint got no feeling for any good nights, but i can at least hope that every one will be something to look forward to, regardless of whatever has drawn past.

Haiku for your soul.

=B3at=
is useless. but still. cannot help.

I want to shred like Daisuke. =(

To Keep.

(Maybe part 1.)
Well, i dont know how long this'll last.

Yea, i guess i got into a little "guilty indulgence" though i have more to do and need to sleep.
But nostalgia will always be a strange little time in my head. Its like, the past is relevant Now, but yet, i need all this time now, but im spending it on the past. How ironic.
Then again, im all silly when it comes to things like these.
----------
i thank all the people in my life who have made me who i am today, either by action or unaction, and that everything has been great. i dont know how to put it, ive been rather fortunate (if i look at it right) and the things in my life have been good, so i think i might be out of credits. Thats why this is starting to hurt now. HAHA. i digress.

Photos in my email, i pore over them, and the silly memories; still photos with some indie tune playing in the background, mute video-clips in a youtube-esqe window in the area behind my eyeballs, of time past and time passed. Of a capella music and the odd friends, of whom all i miss very dearly.

From a friend that kicked me, which led to a wonderful friendship
to a friend that came, made me class chairman, and left.
And a friend with a beautiful voice, killer wit and stories to share,
to another one who may know me by another name. (however cute)
One friend, who would loosely regard me blood-related
and another, a friend, a counsellor, a teacher, and a spastic idiot.
Friend who had very much her own life out there, as much as in there,
and one friend who made it big, in some small town, such as this.


(1. The strange familiar sight of myself slouching. And TAG, in a particular performance that i cannot forget easily. 2.Mervyn, horse, cow and me. 3.Anavil, after one of the best (!) championships i ever had)

Well. it isnt in my nature to be explicitly mushy, however sentimental i become, and yet, i just cant just let this slip. No, not today. Not about this.

Of years gone by, i look back and wonder if anything couldve been done differently.Maybe i might have been a better friend.

But less myself,
No. I wouldnt want it any other way.
No other way at all.



Thank you my friends.

-------------

Of course, life didnt end there, i still had some credits before i left TMS,
but thats another story for another day.

=B3at=
thanks for listening. haha,
and thanks for calling, i really needed that pick me up. =)

Flatulent DIsposition.

Time is quickly disappearing, this week shouldnt be anything like any one else.

Nothing like anything ive ever experienced.

=B3at=
cryptic i know. but i dont know how else to put it.
The magic will disappear.

Narcoleptic Goodbyes.

Good bye good times. (and way too many spam mails.)

In an attempt to sort out the things that i own, i ironically started with the digital part of my life.

Nights ago, i cleared my email. all 33 pages of them. Seemingly harmless, its an accumulation of years of neglect, the years where too much spam in my inbox, emails between business partners and a spattering of good memories.

Of course i couldnt empty all those at one go. No, my wussy sentimental self had to go read through all the topic headers, for fear i might delete the billion dollar lottery ticket.

Thankfully, of course. and there i find several emails which hold the reference to some good times in my life.

and here lies the past.

Thankfully.

-----------

Updating to 3.1.1, i couldnt help it. >_<

----------

Have been suffering from a certain level of narcolepsy, if i could term it that.

i sleep too much. Either that, or im schizophrenic and have a double life.

'nuff said about that.

haha.

Thanks for taking care of me.

Here, Where the wild things are.

=B3at=

Its Friday. <3

Welcome back, Captain.

Hey. Im back.

Think. From 6 weeks on the sea. haha, its a little silly, but it feels like i never left. then again, it feels like i never came back. Its a little disillusionment in my morning coffee, and the feeling isnt going, nor does it seem like its going anyway. Its surreal like a dream, like someone put too much alcohol in my saline drip. The very chicken i eat, so strange, like im using a USB controller to move my hand to my mouth.

Wait. time too long, time too long. Im doing okay on my insides, but i wonder if everything will hold like the glue they talked about. Nothing fancy, just plain old, plain old. The sounds rushing through my head, the guitars on overdrive and im wondering just how much more do i have to go before i become like that. Then again, i dont have this. i dont have the flair. Its not my time.

Achievement. Before i reach something amazing like that, a 30G Xbox achievement when ive finally stomped on the thousandth head. analogue or otherwise, i dont think ill get that far. nothing akin to surviving 6 weeks, let alone 2 years. i can only hope that breeze will breeze, and that the rest of this era will be what they said it to be.

Hope. then again, they never knew what This was like. The sun will be out tomorrow, or it will be a brilliant day to put everything down and just thank the heavens for everything good that ever happened, count blessings, and fall into the pit, just thankful for the past, not caring for the things eating at you right now.

Look. To the Future. Fly. Like a butterfly. Fly, like a bulldozer, trying to catch a butterfly.

=B3at=
stolen time. Not unjustified.

Slip off.

Well. Im totally wooly about all this.

Today i slip off, for 6 weeks on board the RSS Endeavour.
Ships with epic names, i kid you not.
But this is just one of those things that we have to do i guess. Training they call it.

On all sides.

Ill see you guys in a few hours. about. a little more than 1008 hours.

Doesnt seem THAT long.
=B3at=
i love you all.
i love YOU. thank you for being there all of the last few hours. thank you...

I would

I would like
to go back in time and be your wife
not because I'd be the first lady
but because I think you're charming

I know you were an unhappy man
few marry old they say
but I could have made you a happy man
that laughed and danced and sang

And I
would have recited Shakespeare with you
let you read all the good lines
you could've been Iago and Othello
every time
I would have done your shopping for you
bought you your tall pants
I would've been presently affectionate
I would've put my hand in your long hand

and if I'd been on the balcony of Fords Theater
when Mr. Booth came up with gun in hand
I would've put my head in front of your head
I would've put my head in front of your head

Abraham Lincoln
I would like
to go back in time and be your wife
not because you saved the Union
but because I think you're hot shit

I know you were intelligent
telling stories all the time
and I bet we'd have the same sense of humor
we'd laugh until we cried

And I
would have spent hours combing your hair
putting every one in place
but if you got nervous and messed it up
it would have been okay

and we could have had
messy hair together
and we could have had
beautiful children together
but I would have been a perfect mother
to Eddie and Willie and Tad and Robbert
yeah I wouldn't of let them get the fever
or smallpox or malaria

and if I'd been on the balcony of Fords Theater
when Mr. Booth came up with gun in hand
I would've put my head in front of your head
I would've put my head in front of your head

and heck I wouldn't have made us go to the theater
yeah we could've stayed home and eaten dinner
and you could've resigned the presidency
devoted the rest of your life to me

yeah we could have left Oh, Washington forever
and we could have grown older and older together

but if I'd been on the balcony of Fords Theater
when Mr. Booth came up with gun in hand
I would've put my head in front of your head
I would've put my head in front of your head

Guess im not as cool as i thought after all.

After all,